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 Six Places...I'm going to choose six places that I've lived...not in order. 6. Los Angeles...often a soulless city, and one that I find at times intensely isolating and lonely, still...I did fulfill a dream here. I moved out here wanting to be a talent agent, and now I am one. So that is something. I do have friends here and people that care. I know that, but often I feel so alone. 5. Montgomery, Alabama: Much more fun than I expected it to be. Maybe it's the instant family/circle of fellow grad students and actors stuck in the South for 6 months in a rep. company, but these were great years. 4. Fredericksburg, Texas: My hometown...I love visiting, but I'm not sure if I could live here again full-time. I would be close to my family again, but the small conservative town in Texas would likely not suit me that well. 3. Ft. Worth, Texas: Also, some excellent, excellent years....I had great professors and great friends during my tenure at Texas Wesleyan University. I also like the vibe of downtown Ft. Worth a fair amount...or I did when I lived there. It could be completely different now. 2. Baltimore, Maryland...a miserable internship, but otherwise a great year. I made good friends and had tons of new experiences and got to see some amazing theater. 1. Tuscaloosa, Alabama: An interesting dichotomy...and what a football town. I hadn't been around college football fans like that until Tuscaloosa. A good 9 months.
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I just saw the remake of Fright Night, starring my beloved David Tennant, and the always delicious Colin Farrell as the vampire. It was a whole lot of fun. Much more than I expected, and there were several delicious shots of David Tennant in eyeliner, leather pants, and not much else. He was delightful. I was accompanied by two good friends that made it even that much more of a good time. Eight fears....harder, most definitely. 8. Absolute darkness 7. Being completely out of control 6. Becoming an alcoholic 5. Living the same deb/financial problems as my father 4. Always being alone 3. Disappointing my sister 2. Disappointing someone who's counting on me 1. Never finding a partner in life Tags: meme
Current Location: United States, California, Placentia
Current Mood:  amused
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Nine loves....Hrm, I believe I'll give it a mix of topics, in no particular order 9. Cheese and Bread (often together) 8. My sister and her kids 7. Carter, the person who knows me best 6. Movies...they always make me feel better 5. Books...they always suck me in 4. A lover's hand gently stroking my hair back from my face 3. The sound of the waves breaking against the shore...nothing relaxes me faster 2. A great key lime pie 1. A good hug from a friend or family member Tags: meme
Current Mood:  calm
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I'm also stealing the image he stole from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1) redhotlips: Ten Secrets: 1. I'm far more shy/introverted than you think. 2. I have a bizarre belief that I just might win the lottery, even though the intelligent side of me knows better. 3. I honestly believe I missed out on the love of my life and that he's married to another person, even though they're poly and I know he still loves me. I don't think our paths will join again. 4. I'm envious of my sister, her metabolism, and her life, though I try not to be. 5. I'm over $36K in debt and feel lost about it. 6. If I didn't have that debt hanging over my head, I'd quit my job and try something new. 7. I think my Aunt took advantage and influenced my Dad while he was ill during the divorce stole some of my family mementos and treasures and that I'll never get them back. She's never liked me my whole life, and now I just tolerate her. 8. I dream of visiting Ireland. 9. I am a book hoarder and don't have nearly the space for as much crap as I have shoved into my tiny apartment. 10. I like men...most of them, at least, far better than the vast majority of women. I will almost always have more male friends than female ones. Tags: meme
Current Location: United States, California, Placentia
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This past weekend, I went to see Crazy, Stupid, Love, which was better than I expected. I had gone to see it because of my love of Ryan Gosling, and apparently, I am far from alone. Because when the scene comes up that's in the trailer where she demands he take off his shirt, 2/3rds of the female population in the audience made audible sighs and moans of appreciation. One lady even shouted out, "YES." The rest of the weekend was fun..watched some MMA with Scott and Mitch, but was sad when Hendo beat Fedor...tried a new restaurant down the block, which was tasty, but made me feel awkward for dining alone. I consider that the test of a good restaurant. How do you treat the diner who is by themselves? If they ignore you or write off the table, that's a black mark to me. I've been woken up about an hour before I normally get up two days in a row now, so I'm a wee bit sleepy. Tags: life, movies, tiredness
Current Location: United States, California, Los Angeles
Current Mood: calm
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I had an unusual dream this morning while I was in between snooze button presses. I was at an East Coast style beach estate...kind of an old world castle kind of feel, and there was a group of people there. I had walked ahead on the beach but someone was going to be following me. There were a lot of tidal pools that seemed tropical, and as I was looking at one, there was a group of people sitting on a rocky overhang above it. Kind of a crevice in a cave that there were exotic sea creatures in. I reached into the water to pick up a shell because I wanted a keepsake, and a small spidery crab scuttled away. I looked up at the woman sitting above me and apologized, saying I hadn't meant to take his home. So as I was putting it back an anenome or something reached over and nipped my finger. As she was telling me that the crab wouldn't find it because it wasn't in the same place, it nipped her, too. She grinned and said something like "Doesn't that feel weird? I think I like it." The man next to her reached over to brush a finger down my hand where the creature had nipped, and I knocked his hand away, and at that time as I was trying to balance, what had been a beach below my feet was a rocky cliffside that I was perched on. I wasn't in danger of falling, but the man looked at me with a knowing smirk and grabbed my wrist with his hand, pulling me towards him as if to make me fall into his lap and then I woke up. Not sure what that says about my current mental state, but I remember it vividly. I was dream me and the environment was right out of a Tommy Hilfiger ad, and it was so quick. Work has been a zoo this week. I'll be glad for the weekend. Tags: dreams
Current Location: United States, California, El Segundo
Current Mood:  contemplative
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It's been a mixed weekend for me. At times I was fine, at others, desperately lonely. Friday after work, I came home and watched some TV before going to bed early. Bright and early the next morning, I dragged my lazy ass out of bed and to The Griddle Cafe. This is my favorite breakfast place, which is delicious. Alex (the host) saw me waiting outside with the others and let me into the restaurant early before they opened, because he's very sweet like that. When Michael (who is hot) saw me, he smiled and asked if I wanted a waffle and well done bacon. When I affirmed that I did (Yes, I'm that predictable), he told me he had to wait five minutes or so to put it in because the kitchen wasn't open yet. So, I sat and read my book and relaxed as I watched the restaurant open. This place goes from empty to almost full in less than 15 minutes, so it's always a sight to see. I typically spend my time there quietly ogling Michael and Kevin, who are my two favorite waiters there. They remember me because I go there that often and because I tip REALLY well so that they'll take care of me when I visit. Michael was so slammed this morning that there wasn't that much time to really enjoy them, plus my food showed up so fast (being the first order in) that I was in and out of there in 30 minutes. After breakfast, I drove towards the theater and paused by this house that I like to take some pictures of it in the morning light. The pictures (with hipstamatic) didn't come out as well as I had hoped, but I did post a few of the ones I played around with in photoshop up on my Facebook page. Then I caught the first matinee of X-Men: First Class. This was much better than I expected it to be, and that is solely because of their two leading men. MIchael Fassbender and James McAvoy were fantastic as Magneto and Professor X, respectively. Hollywood needs to pay attention, because when you cast actors with genuine acting talent, they make your movie better. After a quick stop by Sprinkles for some cupcakes, I headed home and caught up on some TV and reading. I finished this series of three faery books by an author named Holly Black. They're written for young adults, so I blaze through them so fast that sometimes I'm disappointed that they're over already, but she had a nice fun take on traditional interpretations of faeries in a modern world. Including a changeling baby switch. This morning I got up and took a disappointing shower (there's something going on with my water pressure :( ), and headed to Arclight to watch Beginers with Ewan McGregor and Christopher Plumber. It was a good movie, but it just reinforced this longing I've hand lately of wanting someone to want to kiss me like that. Also, I've had dreams off and on this weekend about being in a relationship with Thor, Magento (played by M. Fassbender), Azazel, and Riptide and in all of them I was the dominant partner, which is a laugh and a half to anyone that knows me at all. After the movie, I went to El Cholo to have a late lunch and indulged myself with two drinks. I left feeling super relaxed and lazy and full, so when I got home I laid down and took a nap before getting up to watch Game of Thrones. Now, I'm just waiting for The Next Food Network Star to start, and then I'll try to convince myself that I want to go to work tomorrow. At times, I've felt so despearately lonely. I miss having friends, and wonder if I should more actively try to move to the East Coast and be closer to my sister and her family? Or would that just be me being more lonely in a new city and more broke? Who knows. Tags: dreams, life, movies
Current Location: United States, California, Anaheim
Current Mood:  depressed
Current Music: The Food Network
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So the highlight of my long holiday weekend was a birthday celebratory lunch for a friend. It was a nice, lovely afternoon at a sushi place with people that I wish I could be more like. Seriously, they seemed to have their shit together, have good careers and family lives going on. The rest of the weekend I spent feeling so alone. I kept having to fight the urge to get back in touch with my recent ex-boyfriend, because I missed being held that much. Even my subconscious was in on the game with a dream this morning about me being hugged by a guy I work with who I don't think about that way at all. I also saw Bridesmaids and The Hangover Part II. Both were enjoyable, but I didn't love either one to bits. I also read three books. This is apparently my life.... loneliness relieved by brief moments of social-ness. I'm a bit disgusted by myself at the moment. Tags: dreams, goals, life
Current Location: United States, West Hollywood, N Ogden Dr, 1001
Current Mood:  bitchy
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2011 -- An agent now at the agency, enjoying my peeps and wondering if this is what I want to do or is it time to find a new adventure. Trying to determine if the most recent ex is trying to get back together or looking for closure and avoiding the conversation. Also spoiled rotten by the terrific talent she works with at times.
2005 -- Living in California, on my own. I've finished graduate school and moved West. This year, I've moved into the voice director position in the voiceover department and found something I truly love doing. Working with talent to get the best audition possible on the material. The owner of the company continued to be supportive and a great person for whom to work. I'm also judging Magic the Gathering tournaments by this time, and I believe dating Dan. Both things introduced me to terrific folks.
1995 -- Colllege....undergrad at Texas Wesleyan University. The end of my sophomore year in one of the best environments of my life. I wish I could go back and whisper to myself to enjoy these people more. Treasure them, because they will be some of the most unconditional love and support you've had in your whole life. Unfortunately, I was in a hurry to finish and get on with my life. By the end of the year, I'll find out my beloved Papa Joe is taking a sabbatical for my senior year and I'll hurry through the end of my college to not be there without him, though Connie was never anything but the best and supportive.
1985 -- We've relocated to Texas, a small town in the hill country. I'm in the fourth grade, Mrs. Culver's class, I believe...reading up a storm and playing D&D on the playground at recess with my friends, Emily, Cathy, and Rachel. Already a dork, just not as comfortable with it yet.
1975 -- I was born two months premature in Denver, Colorado. According to my mother, she knew I'd make it because I was trying to look around the room. By the time my father saw me, I had my hands tied down from attempting to pull out my IVs and was exhausted. I spent the next two weeks in the hospital before heading home.
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I've been rather sick lately, and I stubbornly worked through the entire cold rather than use any sick days. That was mostly because it'd have been worse to come back to the chaos than to just be miserable at work. My poor client that's also a close friend. I was cranky and irritable and he just gave me love back in return. That's a great friend. Work is driving me a bit bonkers. It's mostly just frustration in that while the owner of my company seems to want to change things and progress and has all these ideas about how to inspire us as agents, the reality is, I have little to no actual time to do any work that's close to being an agent. In reality, I cover for other positions that are out on medical leave, or just slacking, and take care of so much other shit that I can't do much proactive work on my own desk. I just do what I have to do to get the job done. The most recent ex wants to renew friendship. In the past, I'd normally be all for it, because I am friends with the majority of my exes, but I just don't know if I can this time. I'm still so angry and resentful over the fact that he essentially cost me ALL my other friends in Los Angeles, that I don't think I can be myself and relaxed around him. The aforementioned client/close friend tells em I just need to be done and he might be right. My sister would love me to move to the East Coast so that I'm closer to her and her family. It's certainly tempting and if I thought that I could actually support myself and not be a burden on her (who needs no additional burdens) I'd probably try to make it happen. I've also given thought to going to culinary school, but that's likely just a pipe dream. What I need to do is find a sugar daddy or win the lottery that I rarely play. Tags: life, work
Current Location: United States, Los Angeles, Romaine St, 7801-7849
Current Mood:  tired
Current Music: Food Network
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Well, another BlizzCon has come and gone. I don't currently play any of Blizzard's current slate of games, but I will likely play Diablo 3 when it comes out. That one looks like a lot of fun. It has to be about four or five years ago now that my friend Rune asked if I wanted to go and another friend of ours Mike would pay for the ticket if I gave him the goodie bag, and thus a tradition was born. I still go (though it's more pertinent for work info now) and give Mike the bag and enjoy my yearly opportunity to catch up with Rune. However, what has happened over the years that I've been attending is that I've learned a lot about their plans for Diablo 3 and now I'm suckered in! I want to play this game that has no release date yet so I'm antsy just like the other fans of the Diablo series. I tweaked my knee a bit this weekend, so that was a bit of a physical damper on the trip down to Anaheim, but I did get to see a lot of friends, some clients, and indulge some inner girlie crushes on a few men who have no idea I might even think of them that way. Tags: blizzcon, life
Current Location: United States, Los Angeles
Current Mood:  sleepy
Current Music: Country Music Radio
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I'm back to doing my best to write an entry every day. Earlier this year, I had previously set this goal and then failed miserably early on. Yesterday, I received some nice validation that I actually do have skills as a voice director. I have no formal training as a voice director, but I am good at getting strong reads from talent on copy. Maybe this is a skill set that I need to pursue more, though it does seem to be a hard one to break into. There seem to be a lot of voice directors in animation and video games all competing for the same set of business. I certainly don't have the resume to market myself independently. Lately, I am combating a growing feeling of restlessness. No surprise really, I've been out here for ten years and my strongest family ties are all the way on the other side of the country. My sister would love it if I moved closer to her, but how would I really support myself? No clue really. I feel like such an abject failure at life sometimes. I know this isn't necessarily true but in a lot of aspects it is. Hopefully, today will be another day. Tags: life, skills, work
Current Mood:  uncomfortable
Current Music: office chatter
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When I don't feel well, I escape into movies. If I'm not contagious, often it's the theater to make time disappear. If I am contagious, it's DVD rentals. This is the first time in about four days that I don't feel the pressure of a sinus headache from allergies, and I am utterly relieved. Though, here is how I made my time disappear. First up, Eat Pray Love. I wanted to see this because I'd read the book. And as I suspected, it was a hard book to translate to film. Not that Julia Roberts did a bad job. She didn't, but the two acting moments that blew me away belonged to the veteran character actor, Richard Jenkins and the ever so manly man, Javier Bardem. Richard steals the entire India segment of the film, with a beautiful portrayal of a wounded man trying to move onwards in the repair of his life. Javier made me cry in one less than two minute scene with an actor playing his 18 year old son. So nakedly honest and loving in a way that's not often seen on camera without a sports team involved in a father/son bonding moment. It was beautiful. Then I was off to Rocket Video to pick up some DVDs. First up was The Good Guy, starring the indie darling, Bryan Greenberg, the luminescent Alexis Bledel, and the yuppie-licious, Scott Porter. Not a particularly great film. Especially since they foreshadow what's coming as subtly as being hit in the head with a brick. Nice cameos by my beloved Andrew McCarthy, though, who I have adored since the days of Pretty in Pink. Next on the list is an independent movie I had heard a lot about, Wendy and Lucy. This was a film festival darling that I finally decided to give a go. Michelle Williams was interesting, but what this movie did for me was remind me how much I enjoy Will Patton. He's one of those guys that's been in so many things that I always seem to enjoy when I encounter him unexpectedly in a film. Sleep was in order after that half of the marathon weekend. After I got that desperately needed shut-eye in, I raced off to the movie theater where I picked up a chocolate croissant and headed into a showing of Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. I enjoyed seeing this movie, but I am apparently not hip enough or enough of a video game or graphic novel master to grasp all of the references therein. Who I did particularly enjoy was Kieran Culkin, who I find a fascinating young actor. He makes some really interesting choices in his film work and I can't wait to see what he's up to next. He falls into that same camp as Ryan Gosling and Cillian Murphy for me. I'll explore odd films that they do just to see what they do in them. After a trip by the grocery store to pick up some staples, I ventured home to see Christopher Plummer's Academy Award nominated performance in The Last Station. It was a beautiful performed and crafted film. The surprise turn for me was by Mr. James McAvoy, who gave a very nuanced performance in a movie stolen by much larger personalities than he. Last but not least, was a movie I didn't want to like, but several people had asked me if I'd seen it, so I wanted to give it a go. It was Remember Me. One thing it did have going for it is that it stars the terrific Chris Cooper. Is there a more interesting actor in his age range in Hollywood, right now? I don't think so. He's compelling. I liked Robert Pattinson against my wishes to do so. There's some potential there and I hope he gets past his 'Twilight' issues. And the movie as a whole had a very poignant, moving end. Now the last of my evening will be wrapped up with the last episode of The Next Food Network Star, and I'm hoping Herb manages to pull out the win. Or Tom, I suppose. I just don't want to listen to Aarti's whining self doubt anymore, which is amusing since I'm full of nothing but self doubt. Tags: life, movies, tv
Current Location: United States, California, La Palma
Current Mood: contemplative
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Tiger, tiger, burning bright
In the forest of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could Frame thy fearful symmetry?
In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare seize the fire?
And what shoulder and what art
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And, when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand and what dread feet?
What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?
When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the lamb make thee?
Tiger, tiger, burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?
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Generally I consider myself a relatively good communicator. Well, as long as we're not talking about my personally and how I feel about something in my emotional life. But lately at work, it seems like I can never say anything correctly or that even if I feel that I have, it's misinterpreted by those on the receiving end. This makes my day to day life at the office very frustrating. Lately, I've found myself so weary that I'm on the verge of tears as I sit at my desk at the end of the day. This is likely exacerbated by the fact that I think I've managed to take a total of 4-5 actual lunch breaks in the entire month of January. February isn't starting much better, unfortunately. One of my co-workers gave his notice and I found myself slightly jealous of the fresh start he was going to be undergoing. On the other hand, I'm so damn useful at work that I think it'd be hard to be fired. I got a raise less than half a year ago, and find myself wanting to ask for another. That's something to give some thought to, I suppose. Tags: life, work
Current Location: United States, California, Los Angeles
Current Mood: tired
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Previous
sad
indescribable
relaxed